I Finally Figured It Out...

The world is completely fucked...

Hi, for now let's just say my name is Izzy, and this here is my new blog, The Unfiltered Mosaic.

I'm not new to this, but I'm not a seasoned professional either. I'm loud, even with a keyboard. Am I book smart? Not really, but man, life has taught me some hard-ass lessons you just don't get in a book. I am raw and UNFILTERED (see what I did there?). I tell the truth as best as I can.

I want this blog to be a safe place for ALL, and when I say ALL, I mean ALL. I don't care who you are. I don't care where you come from in the world. I don't care what the color of your skin, hair, or eyes is. I don't care if you're trans, gay, lesbian, or just plain confused. I don't care if you are on your last strand of hair or ain't got no damn teeth left in your mouth. I care about human beings. I care about you, the person reading this. And that's what I want to remind you of with this blog.

I want to remind you what a horrendously beautiful experience being on this planet is. I want to remind you that although we are all so different from each other, in so many ways, we are all very much alike. Not alike as in "I look like you, or sound like you, or think like you". I mean that we all go through this life doing much of the same things. We wonder, and we dream. We cry, and we laugh. We love, and we lose. We live, and ultimately we all eventually die. Isn't that so wonderful?

I know we live in a world, right now, where there is so much hate, fear, and evil. I know that it can be hard to find an escape sometimes. There is so much sadness surrounding us. Feels like every time we try to zoom out to see the bigger, better picture, there's someone else being shot at by a masked "agent", yet another school shooting somewhere, a mother who just lost her son to drugs or violence, a grandmother fighting to have just five more minutes, or someone sharing their final words in life. It gets hard, I know. But we can help each other to paint a bigger and better picture. I want to remind you of that.

Life in itself is the unfiltered mosaic. We are all pieces that make up this wonderful work of art.

So I welcome you into the world, the real world, The Unfiltered Mosaic.

PS. Remember you are worth so much, and you are so loved!

WHAT... THE… ACTUAL... FUCK?!

I will never understand this belief that humans have that we are the only ones in the universe that exist, that we are the only form of life... make that make some form of sense.

You can't, because it doesn't.

I mean, think, like really use your brain here... the Milky Way is one solar system in a vast world of solar systems... one tiny inkling on the universal space map. We are but one blade of grass in a vast field. We are one flower petal in a forest. We are a tiny, tiny grain of sand on a beach... Do you catch my drift yet?

I mean, are we really that full of ourselves as a species, and we think ourselves that high and mighty that God or whatever power may be ONLY MADE US?

You think that we are really the only ones?

That's almost laughable, if it wasn't such a bad joke.

I mean, are we really that full of ourselves as a species, and we think ourselves that high and mighty that God or whatever power may be ONLY MADE US?

I hate to burst this existential bubble, but NO. We aren't.

We, as a species, need to realize that we aren't as special as we think we are.

We are shit.

We treat innocent creatures, children, and each other like complete shit. I am guilty of this as well. I know I could be kinder, more empathetic. I could try to listen with more intention and less judgment or annoyance. Although I don't do it on purpose, and I try really hard not to be complete shit. Is it easy? No, but a little effort goes a long way. We have one world. Most of us won't be able to afford the spaceship ride to "the other planet." Hell, depending on who's all on the ship, I may not even want to go.

If I have to be stuck with the same fuckers that ruined this world to begin with, leave my ass behind, please. Like I'll deal with the leftovers. Let them go. They can go fuck up their own planet and let us "woke" people fix their mess. Because let's be honest, if it wasn't for us concerned individuals, this place would be completely fucked. At least some want to do right, do better, and make a positive impact on the world. Thank the heavens for them.

But, to get back on topic, and answer the question for those who don't believe this or can't seem to understand this concept... we are not alone. We were never alone. The universe quite literally does not revolve solely around us.

That to me is a beautiful notion, because who really wants to be alone?

F.E.A.R- False Evidence Appearing Real? Or… Is it a sign? (Minor Rant)

We all experience fear in one form or another.

The fear of failure...

The fear of success...

The fear of living up to society's expectations...

The fear of not living up to society's expectations...

Take social media, for example... Do you know how long I have been trying to live up to the hype? The hype of, you have to post every day to be successful. The hype that your videos have to be perfect for you to have or achieve a following.

Like our leaders are far.. and I mean FAR... from perfect, why the fuck should we be racing against a clock to be fucking perfect? Who is perfect?

Like really think about it... Who the fuck is perfect?

Take Leonardo da Vinci... he was a perfectionist and had one hell of a curiosity... painted and finished the Monalisa, The Last Supper, and Lady with an Ermine... but as to how many unfinished works... he had at least 20 last counted... look it up and quote me if I am wrong... I googled.. I know, Google ain't so trustworthy nowadays. I am writing circa 2026, the evening of March 27th, so you can only imagine the information I am up against.

Nothing worse than fear caused by trauma, I'll tell you that much... but that's a topic for another day. Here, we ease into such subjects. Take this as a relationship from the 50s evolving. We are getting to know each other little by little.

Anyways, where were we? Oh yes, Social fucking media and how it has completely poisoned our way of living and our judgment of time and life itself.

When was the last time you thought 24 hours was enough time in a day?

Exactly.

Just today I planned to go to Lowe's, Walmart, then back to Michael's for more transfer tape, make some candles for the business, try cutting glass again, and then prep dinner (chicken thighs, bacon-wrapped asparagus, and corn)... ask me what I got done.

Lowes, and dinner.

It's 10:10 pm, and I haven't done any of the rest. So that has now turned into yet another to-do on the longest catch-up list known to man. But according to my sources, everything in its due time, God knows why things happen, the universe is working for you- not against you, etc., etc.

What I'm trying to say after all that rambling is this: it does not matter how long it takes, or how many times you try, down how many avenues you go, as long as you keep going. As long as you wake up with a new drive to try and try again, I think that is what counts the most.

If you're there, I applaud you; it takes a lot to get there in the first place.

Don't give up. Keep pushing forward. You are not behind. You are exactly where you need to be in your own timeline.

I love you. We are here together.

Eventually… just not yet.

Seriously, how often do you sit still and think, it could be over in literally the blink of an eye... One moment here, the next, gone.

Recently, I have been thinking about this more and more often. Thinking about all the mistakes I have made, how behind I feel, and whether I will have enough time to fix them all. I find myself wondering if I will have enough time to create the life I want, to have the kids I want, to give my parents the grandchildren they want.

I think back on all the young souls we've lost to this world, and if they ever thought they would have no time left. Two deaths in particular make me wonder this more and more each day.

One was a very near and dear friend of mine. He was troubled. He was incredibly intelligent, but made the dumbest mistakes and decisions. Had a close relationship with something called cocaine. He passed away at age 27, on June 8, 2019, due to an accidental drug overdose. Went to sleep, never woke up. That one made me question everything. Life, death, what ifs. I played so many scenarios in my head of how I could have saved him through the years, the things I could have done differently, but didn't. I thought about a lot of the whys. Why did I do certain things or say certain things... why didn't I say certain things, why didn't I call and pick up the phone and call one last time?

The second was more recent. A car accident. A night out with friends. Here one moment... gone the very next. The saddest part is that we watched them smiling, having a good time like they always did. We watched it all play out, and then we were shaken by the announcement of their passing, from one moment to the next. It took me back to when I decided to still get in the car, knowing I probably shouldn't. I remember thinking, I'll be ok- I'll make it home. Waking up the next morning, wondering how in God's good earth I made it. Too many times I rolled that dice and took a chance on not only my life, but also a chance that I could have hurt someone else.

Time is such a precious thing, and we take so long to realize it. By the time we are happy and we are living freely in our peace, it's too late.

Funny how I can sit here and write all this, but I shudder at the thought of spending time with the people who matter most to me. Maybe it’s so I’m not so close, so that it doesn’t hurt as much when that time does come. I get so easily angered and flustered nowadays that I would rather just shut myself from the world and from them. I would rather embrace the quiet of loneliness and my cat than get a hug from my dad or hear an explanation from my mother. Off topic, but I think that kind of stems from childhood trauma and things we went through.

The point I am making is, when will we learn to embrace life safely? When will we learn to appreciate the fact that we are here in the moment and embrace it in ways where we know we will be here tomorrow? When will we realize that we need to get out of loneliness and the silence and embrace those people before we get to the point of trying to beg God for 5 more minutes?

We ignore the inevitable fact that time is not promised to us here on this earth or in this realm. Shit, it's probably not even promised to us in the next life or realm we get sucked into. We live so ignorantly to death that we forget the most important part of living, to do it as if there were no tomorrow. And I think I finally know what that saying means. I think it means that if you're given the choice, make the choice that allows you to be here one more day. Make the less ignorant choice. The choice that will maybe help keep you here one more day, for one more moment, for 5 more minutes.

I know that we can only control and do so much, but there are choices we can make to prevent the preventable.

Don't snort the white stuff, don't drink and drive, and don't date the guy you know is a serial narcissistic abuser