Thoughts of a loss

I loved him more than words can describe.

There is not a day that goes by that he does not cross my mind.

Not a day I don't look up to the sky and say what the fuck...

Out of all the horrible, disgusting, psychotic people in this world, why take you?

Why take your heart away? Was it really so broken? Was it really so fragile? Was it ever really there?

Why take your brilliance? Was it going to be used for evil? Would you have taken over the world?

What were you to become had the universe given you a chance to stay?

Would I be where I am right now? Would I have been worse off had you come back into my life?

Would I have spiraled out of control at another one of your drug-induced betrayals?

Would YOU have been the death of ME?

So many unanswered questions...

Did you ever really love me? Did you ever think of me in your last days?

Did you ever mention my name, even if just a whisper to the wind?

Why did you go and he stay?

I think I'll always question why, despite the cure from time.

He will always be my first.

He will always be my moon and my stars.

He will always be who I look for in the clouds.